The next steps

A month or two. That is what Dr. Smith said when I asked him "No best case scenario, just realistically, how long does mom have to live?" It appears that Thanksgiving is the most realistic goal that we can make for her longevity right now. While this news didn't come as a shock, it certainly wasn't what we had hoped to hear. Mom is staring death in the eye right now and there are days where it is driving her to tears and others where she can't imagine going on if the pain she is in (arms and legs mostly) continues to be as strong as it has been the last week.

Today we meet with hospice and any issues regarding pain are going to be addressed. Hospice has the power to experiment with different pain medication combos to make sure that mom's last weeks are as pain-free and comfortable as possible. That is all I am personally hoping and praying for right now. That she can ascend from this big rock with a minimum of pain and suffering. She is scared, she is hurting, but she is strong and despite the pain she is in, she continues to talk about how she will continue to fight until the end. I have talked with her in depth and told her that she doesn't have to fight for my sake or anyone else's. She just needs to focus on enjoying her remaining tme as much as she can. I am with her as much as I can be with school and Jenny's dad's issues also demanding my time. We are making every minute count and I am very comfortable in the knowledge that mom is in a good home with great care and will hopefully be experiencing a reduction in her pain levels soon.

Jenny's dad, Mike, is spending his fifth consecutive day at OHSU. His defribilator went off five times Sat. morning and he has been undergoing a series of tests to determine why his heart is producing the rhythms that it is and what the next steps are in terms of getting him some healing for his declining ticker. Jenny and I are splitting our time between both of our sick parents. Life is insane right now. One of the things that keeps us going is knowing that we are being thought of by some very wonderful people. We both thank you for your words and thoughts and want you all to know that we appreciate them more than we can express.


Pat

What a week

This has been a very different week than those that have preceded it. Up to now, it was understood that mom has cancer, that she inevitably would die from it, and that she was fighting with everything she had to beat it. This past week saw mom getting settled in at her new residence, River Ridge Adult Family Care. Unfortunately she didn't have much of a chance to get comfortable there before everything came crashing down.

After finding out that the cancer was in her brain, mom had a 180 degree turn in her health. She is having great difficulty in processing thoughts into words. She is aware of what is going on, by no means is she not cognizant of her surroundings. She is incredibly frustrated by her inability to remember things that happened in the short term and by the aforementioned difficulty in communicating.

I spent a good part of yesterday with her and she relied on a wheelchair to get around. She is in so much pain in her shoulders, arms, and legs from the cancer that walking is too much of a chore. She also has fallen twice this week. Once Thursday evening and once Friday morning. That has contributed to her overall pain as well. No bones were broken, but she is definitely one hurting woman right now.

It feels very much like we were driving down the road at a leisurely pace, fully aware of the destination, but making pit stops along the way to have chemo treatments, to have lunches, and to feel like progress was being made. This past week it is as if someone has cut the brakes and placed a brick on the gas pedal. The entire situation has a much darker, imminent feel than before. These past 4 months, I held on to my optimism while embracing the reality of the situation. It felt like things were going in a direction that the doctor was happy with and it felt like mom would at least be around to meet her goal of making it to my birthday (first part of January). Personally, it doesn't feel like that goal is attainable based on what I saw yesterday. Only time will tell. We have an appointment with her doctor on Monday to talk about a lot of different things, the findings from her most recent ct scan among them.

Please continue to pray for mom as well as my father in law, Mike. Jenny and I got a call yesterday around 8 AM from Judy (the love of Mike's life) informing us that Mike's defibrilator had gone off somewhere between 4 and 6 times. This is akin to when you see someone on TV get the paddles placed on their chest in order to zap them back to life. With Mike, it was from the inside out. It literally raised his body inches off the bed. He will be at OHSU until at least Monday where his cardiac team will be re-doing an ablation that was done just a few weeks ago. I appreciate everyone who has been keeping my mom and I in your thoughts and prayers. If you could make some room for Jenny and her father as well as Judy and her father (who is in very poor health right now as well) we all would appreciate it.

Thank you,
Pat