A somber Thanksgiving is upon us

Mom is still going. I am going to stop short of saying strong, but she is still going. Hospice has been fantastic. It has been a continual process of updating mom's pain meds so that she is in as little pain as possible. There has been a noticeable increase in her pain the past couple of weeks and it feels overall like the cancer train is rolling down the tracks at a high speed. Everyday that we spend with her is a gift. We are trying to make some good memories with what time we have left.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and it is going to be the last one mom has. To see that, to type that...it is so surreal. But I know the reality and fully comprehend the weight of the words on the screen. It is happening as I think about it. Nothing can stop this merciless thing. A definite decline in Mom's overall state has been occurring for the last 5 days. She is increasingly lethargic, having more and more pain that is not being minimized by an increase in her pain meds, and she is generally not as coherent as she was even a week ago.

Jen and I had planned to take mom to Mike and Judy's (the in-laws/friends) for Thanksgiving dinner, but given Mom's current state, we just don't see it as an option like it was a week ago. She is incredibly weak, increasingly frail, and it would be far too taxing on what she does have left to take her out of her abode. So Thanksgiving will be spent partially with her, just spending time and hoping to see her smile and then Jen and I will embark to Mike and Judy's for a traditional dinner sans mom. This is the fist Thanksgiving that I will not have the actual dinner with her. It blows my mind. At least we will have part of Thanksgiving together. That is what truly matters.

Enough depressing ramblings. I wish everyone of you a wonderful holiday weekend. May you be with those you love and those who love you. I will be giving special thanks tomorrow for having the opportunity to spend one last Thanksgiving with mom.

---------------------
Landon: Thank you. You know what you are to me, what you have always been, and right now you are above and beyond what I could ever ask for in a friend. I wish you and your family a wonderful Turkey Day and please tell Jen to have the baby already.

Sharon: Wow. You are such an amazing friend to mom and myself. I love you and consider you family. Your dedication to this painful situation is inspiring. Thank you doesn't begin to express my gratitude. I hope you and Wally and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Again, all my gratitude.

Veronique and Phillipe: I can't even tell you how much I appreciate your continual posts. Meeting you both was a pleasure and I hope that we all reconnect in the near future. Your concern and kind words warm my heart and make me smile. You are beautiful people. PS to you both - Mike's computer is not working right now so if you don't see a blog for awhile don't panic. Not sure how long before it is up and running again. Happy Thanksgiving to you both.

I could go on and on talking about everyone that I know is reading this, but I just don't have the energy. You all mean so much to me. I wish I had the time to keep in better contact with everyone, but we all know that life tends to make that rather difficult at times.

The next few weeks are going to change my life in an immeasurable way. I certainly wish I had the ability to just close my eyes and let the days pass without being affected. That is wishful thinking. What is coming my way soon is nothing short of devastating and no matter how strong I think I can be, I know that I am going to be steamrolled by the inevitable. What will be instrumental in getting me through this imminent hell is knowing that I have the best friends a man could ask for.

Please continue to pray for mom(I am not the most religious person as those who know me can attest, but I do believe in the power and strength of spirituality), and keep her in your thoughts. Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Pat